Ho, Ho, Ho

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Networking, at least the face-to-face variety, creates anxiety.

You know – the Chamber power networking breakfast, the industry trade show cocktail party, or the association dinner.

After you sketch your John Doe on the name tag label with a big fat Sharpie, you slap it on your blazer knowing full well it will peel off before you shake your first hand.

You prepare to grip, grin, and greet.

Time to put on the mask.  After all, the masquerade is about to begin; it’s time to look and act the part.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve been in the sales arena for over 27 years and I believe I’d rather listen to nails on a chalkboard.  That is until I changed my perspective. Successful networking requires understanding the most common mistakes and having a willingness to adopt new mindsets.

Mistake #1 – Don’t Always Be Closing

It’s not about showing up and making a sale the first time you meet someone.  Chris Brogan, Trust Agents, describes this as extending your hand for a handshake and the other person sticking their tongue down your throat.  That’s just wrong (on so many levels).

New Mindset #1 – Mission: Relationship Building, not Speed Dating

The paradox in selling is the less we work to make the sale and the more we make the relationship the sale, the more success we enjoy.  With so many potential customers in the room, I know this seems counter-intuitive.  There’s a real temptation to feel like you must turn over every stone in the room and bounce from person to person.

The problem with that is we will come across as self-oriented, just out for a sale.  According to trust expert Charles H. Green, (Co-author of The Trusted Advisor and author of Trust-Based Selling), self-orientation, whether perceived as high or low, is the most powerful component of our trustworthiness as measured by others (see my blog “Transparency and Selling”).  This “hit and run” approach reeks of a high self-orientation.  You’re essentially saying, “I’m moving on now because you’re not worth my time.”

Mistake #2 – Misguided Expectations

Understandably, we hope to generate a bunch of hot leads.  Surely, you’ll bump into at least one person that needs your remedy to cure what ails them.  When no one seems interested, you go home hanging your head.

New Mindset #2 – Reset your expectations

Most people in the room are seeking to market their services, not to buy yours.  “Ok, if that’s true, aren’t I just wasting my time and money?”  Maybe, but not necessarily.  Don’t ask “will they buy from me?” but instead ask, “Could anyone in their sphere of influence benefit from my offerings?”  For example, if you sell employee benefit programs to small and medium size businesses, the financial planner who runs a solo practice may not be a prospect himself, but who does he know that might?  Think about his prospect and client base.  Are you starting to see the possibilities opening up?

Mistake #3 – Sell by Telling

How many times have you endured a seemingly endless sales pitch at a networking function?  When common courtesy would dictate a bullet point, some turn it into open-mic night.

New Mindset #3- Ask, Then Listen

Instead of “showing up and throwing up”, consider asking and then listening. I don’t just mean asking to be nice – but asking with a spirit of curiosity.  Let me tell you a little secret about why this works.  According to Dr. Stephen Covey (The Eighth Habit), next to survival, the greatest human need is to be understood (affirmed, validated, and acknowledged). Our need to be heard runs deep.

Here are some tips on how to listen to build trust:

1. Clear the mind chatter – We live in a world of 24/7 mind chatter.  “I wonder if I defrosted the chicken?”, “didn’t that hairstyle go out in the 80’S?” “I wonder what the door prize is?”  Be “in the moment” giving the customer your undivided attention.
2. Ask follow up questions – When someone shares something emotional or important, read their body language and inquire more, simply say, “That’s interesting…say more about that…”, “tell me more…” or “how does that work”.  Then listen.
3. What’s your body language saying? – Are your eyes on theirs or are you distracted?  Is your body language open and receptive or are you closed and standing in judgment?  Even if your lips aren’t moving, you may still be saying a mouthful.
4. Be prepared to share what you do – See mistake #4

Mistake #4 – Process Speak

Robert Middleton, founder of Action Plan Marketing and author of The Marketing Ball describes this common mistake as process speak. They ask you what you do and you tell them how you do it.  For example, “So tell me what you do…”  Sure we’re a full service accounting firm with four locations and 70 CPA’s, an internal auditing team, and bla, bla, bla, bla, …”  “I’m glad you asked, we’re an IT solutions provider that takes a fresh approach to business process improvement.  Our state-of-the-art proprietary bla, bla, bla, bla…”  You get the idea.  At this point, they don’t want to hear about your process. Instead, he suggests a four step model in what he describes as an Audio Logo^TM.

New Mindset #4 – Develop Your Audio Logo^TM

1. Who are the customers that you work with – Your future customers should recognize themselves in your message.  Are they small to medium sized businesses?  Are they left-handed farmers from Utah?  For example, we work with IT service professionals with a high security clearance.
2. What are the key problems you solve? Do they struggle with succession planning?  Are they miserable revenue forecasters?  Is their pipeline dry?  Be careful to avoid ubiquitous “me too” statements like, “we help them increase sales or reduce costs.”  Instead include more visually concrete phrases, “We helped them improve their forecasting accuracy by 15%” or “We ensure their pipeline stays filled.”
3. The outcome you provide –Not what you’re going to do but what they’ll get as a result.  “We help them lose weight without feeling starved all the time.”  “We equip them with tools to streamline their ordering process.”  “We show them how to drive more demand for their service than they can handle.”
4. A success story – If you get asked, “What do you mean?” or “Can you give me an example?” give yourself a pat on the back.  Even if they aren’t a prospect, you’re on the right track.  Be prepared with a short story. That means 30 seconds or less. Be sure to explain how it was a success and not just tell them your solution.  “They increased sales 15%,” “Turnover has decreased by 50%.” ” “They reduced costs by 25%.”  Note that you’re not describing the “how” at a granular level.  If they want more information, offer to get together for a cup of coffee to learn more about their goals or issues.  Resist the temptation to jump to a solution.

To recap:

1. Recognize it’s all about the relationship, not the sale.Remember fellow networkers probably won’t buy, but they probably know someone who will.
2. Listen with a spirit of curiosity.
3. Develop a succinct audio logo that leaves out the “how” of what you do.

Practice your audio logo until it no longer sounds scripted, until it’s part of you.  So take a deep breath.  With your new mindset, you’ll approach networking events with encouragement and confidence.

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“Always look polished.”  “Never admit a weakness.”  “Spin to get the deal.”

Have you ever heard a “sales thought leader” pontificate along these lines.  I have.

It doesn’t work.  Because saying what sounds good instead of saying what’s so…breaks down trust.

It’s inauthentic.

And authenticity and trust are inseparable.

This is a personal story about Krista Ronai, a personal friend I had the good fortune of hiring and working with during my tenure as a manager at Boise Cascade/OfficeMax.  A concentrated dose of reality, this story demonstrates the power of authenticity in trust building.

Rising Stars

Krista married Jason Ronai, they bought a townhouse in Annapolis, and started ascending in their respective careers.   Jason was an assistant baseball coach, teacher, and officer at the US Naval Academy; Krista, was recognized as the Sales Leader of the Year, the last two consecutive years among her peers at OfficeMax.

On January 28 of this year, the couple’s prayers for a family addition were answered when their daughter, Anna Mae, arrived.

Tragedy Strikes

Then everything changed.

What began as several episodes of a strong “chemical smell” that awoke her during sleep just weeks before giving birth to Anna, proved cause for alarm during labor when Krista experienced her first wide-awake seizure.

Tragically, the radiology reports later confirmed that Krista, 28 and a new mom, had a low grade Glioma, an incurable form of brain cancer.  A tumor the size of an orange grew like weeds grow through grass inside of her brain.

Krista and her steadfast husband Jason, in collaboration with, Dr. Alessandro Olivi, a world renowned neurosurgeon and Chair of Neurosurgery at Johns Hopkins, decided to delay surgery and attempt to control the seizures through medication.

Unfortunately, this past May, less than five short months following little Anna’s birth, Krista’s seizures escalated to eight or nine times per day; her headaches and dizziness became more frequent.   She was no longer capable of driving or able to care for their daughter independently.

A Life and Death Decision

Krista and her family now faced the biggest decision of her life – whether or not to have the tumor surgically removed from her brain.   This time, Krista’s dad, Al Kares joined Jason and Krista to see Dr. Olivi.  A flat-out skeptic of modern medicine, Mr. Kares preferred a holistic approach to extend Krista’s life.

After reviewing the X-Rays, MRI’s, blood work, and other medical tests, all the data pointed to proceeding with this high risk surgery.

Dr. Olivi confirmed that without surgery, the cancer would most likely steal her bodily functions in a sort of slow motion paralysis throughout her body.

On the other hand, the risks of this type of surgery, even for an otherwise healthy young woman, would cause most of us to shutter.  To complicate the decision, the surgery could have actually made things worse.  By invading the brain tissue, the cancer could turn aggressive.

Doctor to Dad

The room became silent as all four pondered the impossible choice.

Finally, Mr. Kares asked Dr. Olivi, “What would you do if she was your daughter?”

It was THE right question.

What this steely veteran world-class physician did next surprised everyone.

After a long pause that momentarily caused the world to stand still, his eyes welled up.  The room grew silent.  Dr. Olivi resisted tears, “you didn’t know this but I have a daughter exactly Krista’s age.  If Krista was my daughter, I would do the surgery.”

With that, Krista, Jason, and Mr. Kares swelled up with tears too.

Clarity.  At least about this decision.

In that moment of truth, Dr. Olivi transformed from the doctor behind the white lab coat to someone’s dad.  He was one father…utterly authentic with another father.  That authenticity instilled the ultimate trust… enough trust put to his daughter’s life in Dr. Olivi’s hands.

Dr. Olivi could have followed the hospital’s risk management playbook designed to mitigate malpractice liability; he could have quoted statistics, percentages, and probabilities.  He could have de-personalized what was a very human moment.  Instead he was authentic.  His authenticity gave Krista and her family comfort in their decision regardless of the outcome.

Gifted Hands

Dr. Olivi successfully removed 70% of the tumor that invaded Krista’s brain tissue.   Mission accomplished.

During surgery, Dr. Olivi confirmed that Krista’s tumor was, in fact, a grade 3, highly aggressive glioma.  She would begin “chemiation” in the ensuing weeks.

While her valiant battle against cancer marches on, Krista’s seizures only frequent her a handful of times per month.

Moments of Truth

If you think about it, you experience moments of truth all the time in relationships.

You’re faced with a choice of whether to say what sounds good to benefit you or what will build trust, even if it may come at your own expense.

The question is -will you be authentic?

The paradox is that if we take the risk to be authentic instead of spinning the result in our direction, the more we build trust – with clients, with friends, and with patients.

Authenticity and trust are inseparable.

______________________________

Personal note:

Jason and Krista have been sharing their remarkable story on http://www.caringbridge.com/visit/kristaronai.   She’s now going through her second round of chemotherapy.  I encourage you to read about their incredible story of Faith and courage and share your thoughts and prayers.

Some photos of their incredible journey:

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Growing Your Business Through Trusted Relationships

REGISTRATION STATUS: OPEN

Click here to add this event to your electronic calendar (then click OPEN when prompted).

Description:

Let’s be honest, “sell” is a four letter word to most service professionals. Yet, getting a book of business is no longer an option, it’s an expectation. The paradox in selling is the less we work to close sales and the more we focus on building the relationship, the more success we’ll enjoy. Trust Centered Selling acknowledges the stigma attached to selling and reframes the stereotypes that have created an invisible wall of distrust between buyers and sellers. In this course, you learn the components that underpin trust between buyers and sellers to learn the basics to build trusting relationships.

Objectives:

• Understand why trust the most important factor in long-term business development results
• Recognize what clients are really looking for in a service professional
• Learn what high trust translates into business growth
• Discover how to turn average clients into apostles
• Develop new mindsets as well as skillsets

Major Topics:

• What are the real barriers to selling success
• The Financial Impact of Trust: Why trust is critical to attract and retain clients
• Recognize the four essential elements of trust, and boost your personal score on each
• How understanding the relationship between client loyalty and profitability can accelerate your business development efforts

Who Should Attend:

Anyone who sells complex products or services in a relationship context, including accounting, financial, insurance, real estate, distribution, manufacturing, supplies, legal, healthcare, pharmaceutical, IT services and other areas

Prerequisite:

None

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