Networking, at least the face-to-face variety, creates anxiety.

You know – the Chamber power networking breakfast, the industry trade show cocktail party, or the association dinner.

After you sketch your John Doe on the name tag label with a big fat Sharpie, you slap it on your blazer knowing full well it will peel off before you shake your first hand.

You prepare to grip, grin, and greet.

Time to put on the mask.  After all, the masquerade is about to begin; it’s time to look and act the part.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve been in the sales arena for over 27 years and I believe I’d rather listen to nails on a chalkboard.  That is until I changed my perspective. Successful networking requires understanding the most common mistakes and having a willingness to adopt new mindsets.

Mistake #1 – Don’t Always Be Closing

It’s not about showing up and making a sale the first time you meet someone.  Chris Brogan, Trust Agents, describes this as extending your hand for a handshake and the other person sticking their tongue down your throat.  That’s just wrong (on so many levels).

New Mindset #1 – Mission: Relationship Building, not Speed Dating

The paradox in selling is the less we work to make the sale and the more we make the relationship the sale, the more success we enjoy.  With so many potential customers in the room, I know this seems counter-intuitive.  There’s a real temptation to feel like you must turn over every stone in the room and bounce from person to person.

The problem with that is we will come across as self-oriented, just out for a sale.  According to trust expert Charles H. Green, (Co-author of The Trusted Advisor and author of Trust-Based Selling), self-orientation, whether perceived as high or low, is the most powerful component of our trustworthiness as measured by others (see my blog “Transparency and Selling”).  This “hit and run” approach reeks of a high self-orientation.  You’re essentially saying, “I’m moving on now because you’re not worth my time.”

Mistake #2 – Misguided Expectations

Understandably, we hope to generate a bunch of hot leads.  Surely, you’ll bump into at least one person that needs your remedy to cure what ails them.  When no one seems interested, you go home hanging your head.

New Mindset #2 – Reset your expectations

Most people in the room are seeking to market their services, not to buy yours.  “Ok, if that’s true, aren’t I just wasting my time and money?”  Maybe, but not necessarily.  Don’t ask “will they buy from me?” but instead ask, “Could anyone in their sphere of influence benefit from my offerings?”  For example, if you sell employee benefit programs to small and medium size businesses, the financial planner who runs a solo practice may not be a prospect himself, but who does he know that might?  Think about his prospect and client base.  Are you starting to see the possibilities opening up?

Mistake #3 – Sell by Telling

How many times have you endured a seemingly endless sales pitch at a networking function?  When common courtesy would dictate a bullet point, some turn it into open-mic night.

New Mindset #3- Ask, Then Listen

Instead of “showing up and throwing up”, consider asking and then listening. I don’t just mean asking to be nice – but asking with a spirit of curiosity.  Let me tell you a little secret about why this works.  According to Dr. Stephen Covey (The Eighth Habit), next to survival, the greatest human need is to be understood (affirmed, validated, and acknowledged). Our need to be heard runs deep.

Here are some tips on how to listen to build trust:

1. Clear the mind chatter – We live in a world of 24/7 mind chatter.  “I wonder if I defrosted the chicken?”, “didn’t that hairstyle go out in the 80’S?” “I wonder what the door prize is?”  Be “in the moment” giving the customer your undivided attention.
2. Ask follow up questions – When someone shares something emotional or important, read their body language and inquire more, simply say, “That’s interesting…say more about that…”, “tell me more…” or “how does that work”.  Then listen.
3. What’s your body language saying? – Are your eyes on theirs or are you distracted?  Is your body language open and receptive or are you closed and standing in judgment?  Even if your lips aren’t moving, you may still be saying a mouthful.
4. Be prepared to share what you do – See mistake #4

Mistake #4 – Process Speak

Robert Middleton, founder of Action Plan Marketing and author of The Marketing Ball describes this common mistake as process speak. They ask you what you do and you tell them how you do it.  For example, “So tell me what you do…”  Sure we’re a full service accounting firm with four locations and 70 CPA’s, an internal auditing team, and bla, bla, bla, bla, …”  “I’m glad you asked, we’re an IT solutions provider that takes a fresh approach to business process improvement.  Our state-of-the-art proprietary bla, bla, bla, bla…”  You get the idea.  At this point, they don’t want to hear about your process. Instead, he suggests a four step model in what he describes as an Audio Logo^TM.

New Mindset #4 – Develop Your Audio Logo^TM

1. Who are the customers that you work with – Your future customers should recognize themselves in your message.  Are they small to medium sized businesses?  Are they left-handed farmers from Utah?  For example, we work with IT service professionals with a high security clearance.
2. What are the key problems you solve? Do they struggle with succession planning?  Are they miserable revenue forecasters?  Is their pipeline dry?  Be careful to avoid ubiquitous “me too” statements like, “we help them increase sales or reduce costs.”  Instead include more visually concrete phrases, “We helped them improve their forecasting accuracy by 15%” or “We ensure their pipeline stays filled.”
3. The outcome you provide –Not what you’re going to do but what they’ll get as a result.  “We help them lose weight without feeling starved all the time.”  “We equip them with tools to streamline their ordering process.”  “We show them how to drive more demand for their service than they can handle.”
4. A success story – If you get asked, “What do you mean?” or “Can you give me an example?” give yourself a pat on the back.  Even if they aren’t a prospect, you’re on the right track.  Be prepared with a short story. That means 30 seconds or less. Be sure to explain how it was a success and not just tell them your solution.  “They increased sales 15%,” “Turnover has decreased by 50%.” ” “They reduced costs by 25%.”  Note that you’re not describing the “how” at a granular level.  If they want more information, offer to get together for a cup of coffee to learn more about their goals or issues.  Resist the temptation to jump to a solution.

To recap:

1. Recognize it’s all about the relationship, not the sale.Remember fellow networkers probably won’t buy, but they probably know someone who will.
2. Listen with a spirit of curiosity.
3. Develop a succinct audio logo that leaves out the “how” of what you do.

Practice your audio logo until it no longer sounds scripted, until it’s part of you.  So take a deep breath.  With your new mindset, you’ll approach networking events with encouragement and confidence.